neonancy

(sorry no paragraph breaks . . .still can't figure out how to do that) My Experiences while in Kaiser Hospital Nancy Orton January 22,19991 went to the emergency room at Kaiser Hospital in Santa Clara because I was vomiting uncontrollably. I was diagnosed with an intestinal blockage. I had to have an NG tube put down my throat in order to keep me from vomiting. The doctor explained that often the blockage will clear on its own if it is relieved of stress [i.e. no food or drink, NG removing digestive fluids,etc.] When the doctor told me this the first night I was there, I knew in my heart that I would have to be operated on. I didn't tell anyone; but I knew. When the ER nurse had put the NG down me, he used a large tube and wasn't too gentle. I think this is why it was so painful. My throat felt like I had strep throat (very painful to swallow or speak) and my ear ached very badly. Every day, when the doctor came to visit me, he would ask me if I'd passed any gas. I'd say "no" and he'd say "well, let's give it another day." I asked several times if I could have the tube removed for a while; but he'd always refuse because he knew I'd just have to have it put right back in. In my heart I wanted him to schedule me for surgery, because I knew it was inevitable and I was in so much pain. When I complained about the tube he'd say, "Yeah, but it's better than surgery." At that point I wasn't so sure. Almost very day that week I prayed that the doctor would be impressed to operate, but every day the conversation was the same. I wondered about this, but later realized that it was for the best. I think my family needed that time to accept the fact that the blockage wasn't going to go away by itself. It was the Lord's will that things happened as they did. One day that stands out during that first week was when Sheldon spent almost the whole day by my bed. He had his scriptures with him and asked if I wanted him to read to me. I wanted him to read the Gospel of John. I love that book. He started at the beginning and read it slowly so I could really listen. Every now and then he would stop and ask if I wanted him to stop reading. But I never did. He read the whole book. The Spirit was very strong. Afterwards he told me he wanted to give me a blessing. I don't remember much of what he said except this: at the end of the blessing he said that what was to come was so that" the glory of God might be manifest." I remember those words very distinctly because I wondered about them. I didn't know how that could be. Thursday afternoon I was operated on. I had a strange feeling as they rolled me past the various operating rooms. It was all strangely familiar to me. The last time I was operated on was when I was one day old, but I felt like I had been there before and I was reliving it, in a way. When I later mentioned this to my surgeon he said that I probably had remembered it. Whether or not this was the case, it is true that many of the stages I went through as I recovered reminded me of being a baby all over again. Friday night after the surgery was very significant. I am told that this was when they began to worry that I might develop pneumonia. I had received my first lung treatment that afternoon and was supposed to receive it again at 7:00 that night. I had asked my parents to stay with me late that night because I didn't trust the nurse on duty. I was worried she wouldn't care for me properly. Anyway, time passed and the respiratory therapist was no where to be seen. I was very worried because I knew I really needed the treatment. I had my dad ask the nurse what was taking him so long. I think she had forgotten to schedule the treatment. By the time that he arrived I was very weak. My parents stayed until about midnight. I don't remember anything, except that I felt safe as long as they were there. After they left I eventually fell asleep. At 3:00 A.M. I called my parents in a panic. I knew that it was late at night and that I shouldn't disturb them but I just couldn't help myself. I was aware that I was probably delirious, but I felt that I had to give my parents an important message concerning one of the employees at work. My language was so peculiar. I said things like, "Mommy, mommy, I love you mommy. I have to tell you about . She shouldn't marry because he's a bad man. .. .Can I talk to my daddy? I love you daddy. You're a good daddy" etc. I was completely aware that this phone call would cause them to worry (because I was delirious), and, when my mother asked if I needed them to come to the hospital, I tried to assure them that I was O.K.. After the call, I felt calm. Months later, I learned that everything I had feared about the employee's marriage came to pass. Sometime later, probably around 4:00 AM., the respiratory therapist returned for another treatment. He was African-American and I remember staring at his hair, fixated. I exclaimed, "I love your hair." He was obviously embarrassed I then asked him if he was married. When he said no, I answered, "Well, you should be." I felt a real goodness about him and was trying in my own childlike way to express this to him. It was as if I could see into the hearts of the people that surrounded me during the next few days. I don't know how to describe it, except to say that I was like a child. At the end of the night nurse's shift, she came in by my bed for the first time and preceded to change my IV. It took her three tries. The first two bled quite a bit and I remember she kind of looked over her shoulder as she wiped up the blood to see if anyone was looking. I remember this because I felt Invisible. "I see you," I thought. I ran into her 10 days later when I was walking the halls one night. Even though I knew that her negligence had probably resulted in my contracting pneumonia, I felt only love for her. It was an overwhelming feeling. Sometime after she left the room, I fell into a deep sleep. I felt as though I was carried away by the Spirit. I was taken to what seemed to me to be the San Diego temple. There were angels there, caring for people who were ill. The first thing they did was relieve me of the excruciating pain in my throat and ear caused by the NG tube. Then they put me on a machine that helped me to breathe normally. They told me that this kind of thing (i e. ministering of angels) goes on all the time, but we rarely remember it because it often happens in a different space and time. I was told of two other specific times that I had received help in this way.* I was told that the reason I was at the temple was because it is the place where the spirit world and the physical world are the closest. I was also told that I would remember my experience so that I could, when appropriate, be a witness to other people that we are helped by those on the other side of the veil more than we ever know. I was specifically told that I should share my experience with Viviana Dorff, a woman in our ward who has experienced many physical problems. I was told that sometimes she gets discouraged and feels like she is alone, but that they (meaning the angels) had ministered to her many, many times. After they brought me back, I awoke feeling refreshed and at peace. When my parents came to visit me Saturday morning, I told them about what I had *The first time was when I had been very sick when Stephanie was two. The other time occurred when I had been hospitalized for internal bleeding. In both instances I had experienced a feeling like I had left my body for just an instant, and afterward felt much better. experienced the night before. I remember emphasizing the fact that I needed to talk to Viviana about my experience. As I was finishing, I looked forward and exclaimed, "They're coming, the angels are coming!" They appeared far away at first and came forward until they were around my bed. Although I saw them with my physical eyes when they were far away, my eyes were veiled as they approached.* I did, however, hear what they said and physically felt their touch and their individual presence. I remember explaining to my parents what they were doing and relating to them everything they told me. I didn't quite know how to describe it when they relieved me of the pain in my ear and throat. I said, "They’re disconnecting my pain sensors." After this they did something that helped me to breathe more freely. I think I described it as being "connected to a breathing machine." Whether this was true I don't really know, but I do know that that was the sensation. After about a minute or two of breathing deeply and effortlessly, I coughed up a lot of mucus from my lungs. While all this was happening, the angels reiterated everything they had told me the night before, with one exception. They said that when my mother had been in the hospital after her heart attack [when I was five years old] and nearly died one night, that they had come and helped her. I told my mother that "you only thought that the oxygen was on full." The message was that it took much more than the oxygen tank to keep her alive that night. She later shared with me that that night she felt the Spirit whisper that she “was in the arms of Jesus.” The angels left the same way they came. My parents are witnesses to what happened during this experience. Sheldon arrived sometime after this occurred. When he walked into the room my Dad told him that angels had come and ministered to me. Sheldon said something like, "that's great"; but I sensed that he didn't really believe. I said, "You don't believe me, do you?" He said he did. Viviana came in the room shortly after. I was so glad to see her and wondered how she knew that I needed to talk to her. I told her what the angels had told me to tell her. My parents left to go to work. I'm not quite sure how much time elapsed before I felt the angels return. I exclaimed, "They’re back." I was so excited that they came when Sheldon and Viviana were *I later wondered why I was not allowed to physically see the angels who attended me. I don't know the answer to this question; but I am grateful that I did not. I think it would have been distracting to me, in the since that I might not have taken such careful note of what they said. present. They repeated the same treatment that they had done before. By this time, I know I was taking oxygen because I told Viviana to take the oxygen tube off me because "they [the angels] know how to help me breathe much better." I then stood up and began breathing freely and quite rapidly, after which I coughed up a lot of mucus. After this I felt much better. The break from the pain was enough to leave me refreshed and able to handle the pain again. I remember telling Sheldon, "Before you believed; but now you know." It's interesting to note that at this time I did not know that I had pneumonia. I didn't find out until the next day. I didn't know why it was so hard to breathe. I thought that the mucus that I coughed up was from the NG tube. Several weeks later, I wondered how I possibly could have coughed up so much mucus. I was confused about this until Viviana told me that the doctor was worried Friday night that I might be contracting pneumonia and by Saturday morning I had developed a pretty bad case. Another thing I should mention was that sometime that morning I complained to my mother that my right leg felt like it was on fire. When she touched it, it was very hot; but when she touched my left leg it was ice cold. She questioned the nurse about it. After that the nurse checked on it several times. Whenever she touched my right leg it hurt a lot; but when she touched my left leg I couldn't feel anything. I mention this because I think this was how the cardiologist got involved. The next few hours are kind of a blur. I do remember certain things, however. I thought it was the middle of the night because the room seemed dark. I remember a female cardiologist leaning over my bed to introduce herself. Her face seemed to exude light. When I saw her I exclaimed, "You are sooo beautiful." She was obviously embarrassed but thanked me. I think she said something about taking me down to X-ray and then taking me to another room where "they could keep a closer eye on me." I took that to mean that I was getting pretty sick. She told me that someone would be coming to do a test or something on me. I asked, "Is she German?" [A very serious German-looking woman had already come and checked a few things] "Well yes, now that you mention it, I think she is," she answered. "She's not beautiful like you," I said. Later, the aforementioned woman came in and very seriously told me that she was going to do something to the back of my hand [ie. poke me with a needle] that was going hurt, but that I had to be very still. I wanted with all my heart to be a good girl and do exactly what she said. I didn't breathe because I knew it would make me move. It took my total concentration to do this, and, when it took longer than I thought, I wondered, "What am I going to do when I run out of air?" When Sheldon wiped some spit from my mouth I worried because he moved my lips a little when he did it. After she finished, I asked, "Did I do a good job?" "Yes," she said a bit surprised, "You did very well." I slept through the X-ray and when I awoke I was being wheeled into my new room in the cardiac unit. The sun was shining brightly through the sliding glass door and Viviana and Sheldon had all my many flowers already arranged. "See, we got everything ready for you," Viviana exclaimed with a big smile on her face. I thought it was morning; but it was really about 1:00 P.M. The nurses that attended me were great. The first thing they did was get me a suction pump so that I wouldn't have to spit anymore. I felt like I was in heaven. It was like having a new toy. They pulled me up properly in the bed so my lungs were more supported. Then they redid my IV lines and attached a bunch of different ports to connect the heart monitors. I felt like a work of art. Robin Brooksby, our ward Relief Society president, dropped by and told me they were organizing a ward fast for the following day. Ray had also notified the Stake Presidency. Chuck Thompson came and told us that all the High Council would be fasting as well. There were many Cupertino Ward members who also would be fasting on Sunday. My name was put on the prayer rolls of the Oakland, Provo, and St. George temples. Joseph Eliason also came to see me Saturday afternoon. Sheldon told me that he'd told him about the angels coming. I was so excited to be able to talk to him about it that I recall rambling a bit. He said he wondered why I would be taken to the San Diego Temple instead of, say, the Oakland Temple, which is closer. I have thought about that a lot since and I don't know the answer. I don't believe I was ever told directly that I was in the San Diego temple, but I certainly had that impression.* *Eight months later, I visited the San Diego temple. While I was there I happened to remember my experience in the hospital and wondered whether I had really been taken there in the spirit or not. Each room I entered, I looked around to see if it was the place I had been. The room had been square, with windows on all four sides. I had just about concluded that I had incorrectly inferred where I had been eight months previously. Although the window design in several of the rooms was the same, the windows were not in the same place. Just as I was about to turn around and take the elevator down to the dressing room, a temple worker approached me and asked if I had ever gone down the grand stairway. No, I hadn't. She led me through the door and when I looked up I was completely overcome. It was the room I had been taken to when the angels had ministered to me in my sleep. I had been above the stairway several feet higher than where I was now standing. I am inclined to believe this experience was to verify that I had indeed been carried away to the San Diego Temple. My parents came to visit me after work. My mother quietly me that Roz, a family friend, had called her and told her that she'd received a message from the other side and "they were going to come clean me out, that I'd kept things locked up inside me and that wasn't a good thing" or something to that effect. When I heard her words I knew they were from God. Sheldon mentioned that he'd thought about taking the kids to a movie but didn't want to leave me if I needed him to stay. I told him about when my dad took my siblings and I to see the movie Mary Poppins, which was in theaters at the time (1964) after we had visited my mom in the hospital after her heart attack. I didn't realize, of course, how sick she really was. I just remember being very excited to go. Now, as an adult, I could recognize what a sacrifice that was for my dad to leave my mom when she was so sick. Sheldon decided to take them to the movie after arranging for my parents to sit with me. That night was very painful. What I experienced was what Roz had called to tell me about. I will try to describe it: I heard the sound of rushing water in my ears and felt as though a river was running through my brain. My eyes felt like there were needles poking out of them from the inside. It was excruciating. I didn't know why my eyes hurt so badly and mentioned this to my parents several times. I had a terrible pain in both of my ears and my head felt like it was in a vice. The pressure felt like my head was caving in. All the while, I heard the sound of rushing water. It seemed to last forever; but I think it was probably about two hours. I felt as though I was being cleansed of all the emotional pain I had locked inside me over the years. It was like my brain was opening up all its files. (I later wondered if this would be the way we would be able to review our life when we have our post-mortal interview?) I told my parents everything I was experiencing. I realized in a very personal way that emotional pain is much more difficult to cure than physical pain. When the pain finally ended I felt totally clean. My parents stayed until about midnight when the night nurse came on duty. Before they left, my Dad offered a prayer. In it he asked that the angels might return and help me. I told him that I had already learned what I needed to know and that the next time it happened it would be as before and I would not remember it. It was no longer necessary. Shortly after my parents left I went into a deep sleep. I dreamed that Sheldon was there with Ashley, Alysa, and Steven. Kathleen Hansen and several other friends were there. They had all come to visit me. I felt like they had come because they had been told about the angels coming and that they were hoping to witness a similar manifestation. I felt bad because I thought maybe I shouldn't have told anyone about it until later. I seemed to sense that the angels were waiting to help me; but I felt unworthy. I remember thinking, “I just can't [accept their help]”. As soon as I thought this I felt as though I fell straight down several feet, back into my body. As I did, I awoke with a start and coughed. My chest and abdomen hurt very badly. I called for the nurse as I was very shaken by what had just happened. He reassured me and sat with me for a while. He placed the call button and the morphine button on the blanket right by my hands and told me that all I needed to do was push the call button if I needed anything. I felt alone for the first time. Every time I coughed my chest hurt very badly. I used the morphine until I misplaced the button. I couldn't move to look for it for some reason. I also couldn't locate the call button. Whenever I saw the nurse pass by I tried to cry out for help but my voice was too soft to hear. This was the only time during my entire hospital stay where I felt panic. Finally the nurse came to check my vital signs. I told him I couldn't find the button. It turned out that it was right by my hand the whole time. The only sleep I got that night was morphine induced. I awoke Sunday morning when a man from the spirit world entered my room through the sliding glass door. He explained that he was a doctor [he had been a physician in life] and that he would be spending the day with me. The first thing he said was, "You know a lot of people are praying for you." He said it in a way that seemed to be an explanation as to why he was there as well as a statement of fact. I said, "yes." He spoke to me in my mind and I answered the same way. I could not see him with my physical eyes but I always knew exactly where he was. His was a definite presence. I felt his touch exactly as I would have any other person's. He perceived my thoughts and said, "You're very scared. You've had a lot of pain and you don't know what to do. I want you to know that today you won't feel any pain." He moved so that he was standing behind me on the right side of the bed. He asked me to take my blanket off so that I could see my legs. I did. He then said, "Now, I want you to feel your leg." I ran my fingers slowly up and down my legs. They felt like they weren't connected to my body. He understood what I was feeling because he said that "It doesn't feel like your leg, but it's your leg." He paused a moment, then added: "It's a good leg." He explained that when I took morphine to relieve the pain it also made me disassociate with my body. I couldn't walk or cough because I couldn't feel my body. Without the morphine, as I had learned the night before, it was too painful to cough or even sit up. He told me that because of this problem I would be given a day without pain. "You need to be off the morphine so that your body can wake up and do its job," he said. I began to understand. The next thing he said was, "Now I want you to uncover your stomach." This was very frightening to me. Although I was afraid to look at my incision, I did what he told me to do. He explained everything I saw in a very calm and loving way. He had me touch my incision. He sensed how afraid I was to do this and reassured me by emphasizing that I didn't have to be afraid because I wouldn't feel any pain. To illustrate this, he had me press my fingernail into my thumb. "You don't feel anything, do you?" he said. I didn't. I touched my incision and felt no pain. He pointed out the heart monitors and told me what they were for. When he pointed out my catheter tube he said, "That's your catheter. You don't feel it, do you?" I didn't. (I always felt a pinch when I had a catheter.) I asked him how a catheter worked and if he would teach me how to "make it go." I'm afraid I became a bit fixated, trying to make it go, because he said, ever so kindly, "You know, you need to just let the catheter do its job. We need to be working on other things right now." He then referred to my dream the night before: "You know it was foolish what you did last night," (ie. my refusal of divine help because I felt unworthy). His words were kind, yet matter-of-fact. "You needed the help and now the situation is very serious. That's why I'm here." At this time another personage entered the room and spoke with me for a few minutes. The first thing he said was "You know there are a lot of people praying for you." He then assured me that I would be in good hands that day. He went on to explain what had happened the night before. He told me that they wanted to grant me a request for which I had been praying a long time because "it was a righteous desire." They had known for quite some time that my surgery was coming up and had decided to take care of both things at the same time. He perceived my question about why my eyes had hurt so much and told me that my "eyes had hurt from the pain of the things you had seen" and my "ears hurt because of the pain of the things that you had heard." He then explained that all that had been washed away and that the emotional pain was gone. He also told me that they were sorry that I had had to suffer, that it was not intended to be that way, and mentioned a few more very personal things which I am not at liberty to mention. He placed his hand on the back of my hand—a touch I will never forget—and stated once more that I would be in good hands, referring to the angel, and that it would be as if the Savior himself were with me [see 2 Ne. 32:3]. Then he left. The two nurses who had attended me the previous day entered the room and began taking care of me. The first thing they did was to hoist me up in the bed like they had the night before. I remember thinking that they were just a bit rough. The angel/doctor said, "I want you to know that these are excellent nurses. Even though we knew there is nothing wrong with your heart, we allowed you to come down here [i.e. the cardiac unit] because we knew you would get better care." He used the pronoun "we" in the biblical sense. About this time my surgeon, Dr. llano, entered the room. He was quite upset. He told the nurses: "You have to stop babying this patient. She has to cough and she has to walk or we're going to lose her." The surgeon had no way of knowing the problem with the morphine. The angel commented on this: "He's a very good doctor and he's right. He knows what needs to be done, but he doesn't understand the problem. That's why I'm here." I think this was when I learned that I had pneumonia. I remember that the surgeon's outburst left the nurses a bit mystified. The cardiologist had put me on heparin the day before and had ordered that I remain flat in case of blot clots. They were just doing what they had been told to do. The next thing the angel told me was that I needed to get up and sit in a chair so that we could work on my lungs. I was obviously very weak but he supported me from behind with his hands. With his help I sat up very straight. He raised my shoulders, pulled them back, and slowly lowered them. This exercise forced air in and out of my lungs. He repeated this several times before telling me he was going to stop and I was to cough two times in rapid succession. He assured me that I didn't have to worry because I wouldn't feel any pain. He was right. I coughed up quite a bit of mucus and felt absolutely no pain. We repeated the entire exercise quite a few times. Sometime during all of this Viviana, who had come to visit me sometime earlier, decided to French braid my hair. It was a strange feeling. I had two people standing behind me and four hands working on me at the same time. Viviana wasn't aware that anyone else was in the room. After my lung exercises, the angel told me that I now needed to get up and walk. I called for the nurse to help me. She asked me if I was in pain. I said no. As we walked down the hall, the angel/doctor was right with me. After a short way, the nurse asked me again if I had any pain. "No pain," I mumbled. She suggested we turn around and go back but the angel told me I was to walk clear down the hall to the Exit sign. I leaned forward to indicate that I wanted to keep going. While we were walking, the angel told me that when we got back to the room he wanted me to take a nap. While I was asleep he was going to see if he could arrange to have the test [that the cardiologist had ordered] on my legs cancelled. "There's nothing wrong there [ie. no clots] and you're just too weak to have the test right now." On the way back to the room the nurse told me that if I needed relief from the pain, all I had to do was push the morphine button. I refused. As I started to climb into bed the nurse said, I think to Viviana, "She is so stubborn! I know she's in pain. But she won't push the button. And I can't push it for her." With that I turned and with all the intensity I could muster, trying to be audible, said: "You tell the doctor that I can't push the button because when I do I can't cough and I can't walk. I can only use it to sleep." I laid down, totally exhausted, pushed the button, and went to sleep. When I woke up, the cardiologist was entering my room. She told me that they had looked things over again and decided to cancel the test because it looked like everything was O.K. She also told me they would be taking me off the heparin. The nurse also came in and said that she had gotten in touch with the doctor and that he had changed my pain medicine. Sheldon walked in somewhere around this time and announced that the surgeon had called him at home to tell him to "stop babying me", etc. He didn't know that I had already been up. Then the angel/doctor came in and said, "We've decided to let the [new] pain medicine do its job because we think it's going to work." He then had me press my fingernail into my thumb. "You feel it now, don't you." I did. He also pointed out that I could now feel the pinch of my catheter. Sheldon was very anxious to get me up. I couldn't tell him what was going on because I could hardly speak. When I tried, he couldn't understand what I was saying. He helped me into a chair after which the angel began helping me with my breathing/coughing routine. The new medicine worked. I could feel my body; but the pain was alleviated. Sheldon was trying to help out by rubbing my legs, but it hurt because he was a little rough. I asked the angel if he could show him what to do because I knew Sheldon wanted to help but just didn't quite know how. He put his hand on top of Sheldon’s hand and showed him by example how to properly massage my leg. Sheldon was not aware that he was being touched; however, afterward he began massaging my leg me correctly. I think that it was during this time the Super Bowl pre-game/game was on TV. The angel/doctor, who was standing behind me manipulating my head and upper torso, told me he wanted me to look up at the TV. He told me he wanted me to study it very carefully. It would help me to hold my head up. He also wanted me to look at Sheldon's face while he was watching. It's something that Sheldon really enjoys and, as he put it, "there's nothing wrong with it." I had often gotten irritated over the years when Sheldon had watched sporting events on Sunday. I was being taught something here in a very kind way. Sometime during all of this, someone in the room asked the nurse what I was doing [referring to the manipulation the doctor was performing on me] and she said, "We don't really know. We call it her little exercises." I was amazed to think that they thought I could have sat upright and manipulated my body so effortlessly without any help. When it came time to walk down the hall Sheldon went with me. I remember that the angel was talking to me most of the time. He said that he was very pleased at how much progress we had made. It looked like my pneumonia was now pretty much under control and the problem with my medication had been solved. But there was something else that concerned him and that was that my bowels had not shown any signs of waking up. He explained that while my surgeon could recognize that I shouldn't be "babied" with regard to coughing and walking, he couldn't see that he was inclined to "baby" me because he wouldn't risk removing my NG tube for fear it would make me start throwing up. The Spirit told me that he hadn't thought that he'd even be able to address this problem because I had been so ill with pneumonia. But he now thought that he'd like to see if he could do something about this as long as I had "been given a day without pain." He told me that while I took another nap, he was going to see if he could arrange to have my NG tube removed. When we got back to the room, I went to sleep. When I woke up sometime later, I immediately started gagging on my NG tube. I was choking. Something was wrong. I motioned in a panic to Sheldon to get the nurse. When she came she just said, "Oh she always gags when she first wakes up" and she walked away. I knew if I didn't do something I was going to choke to death. It felt like a plastic bead was blocking my esophagus. I reached my hand into my mouth. At this time I believe that my spirit must have separated from my physical hand. I reached my hand into my throat and pulled the tube off to one side. When I asked Sheldon later what I did with my hand he said my fingers were kind of crumpled up by my mouth. But I know my hand was in my throat and I know that it took everything I had to hold onto the tube. This is why I believe it was my spirit. Meanwhile, the nurse was out in the hallway trying to get the doctor on call to come up. I could hear her out in the hallway but I didn't know who she was talking to. I thought she was angry at me. When I asked her about it later she told me she was angry at the doctor because he refused to come. She knew it was because he was watching the Super Bowl which, by the way, was now in the fourth quarter and very exciting. Anyway, while I was hanging on to the tube for dear life the angel who had been helping me that day entered the room from the sliding door. He leaned over the bed and said, "It's O.K. You're having a malfunction on your NG tube. It's the best I could do." He then seemed to reach both hands inside me to help me hold the tube off to one side. He told me that when he gave the word I should pull the tube out. He then let go of the tube and said in a very strong voice, "Pull the NG tube out NOW." I sat up in bed and very quickly pulled it out. Sheldon looked over at me rather stunned. He said something like, "Nancy, you pulled out your tube." The nurse came in and seemed quite shocked. I told her that I was sorry but I had to do it or I would have choked to death. She called the doctor who ordered that the tube be put right back in. It was clear to me that there was no way this doctor ever would have responded to the prompting of the Spirit. A malfunction was definitely the best that could have been done under the circumstances.* When I learned that the doctor ordered the tube back in, I asked the nurse if the doctor could please reconsider. Shortly after I had pulled out the tube I had had a bowel movement. I * Although at the time I didn't know what had gone wrong with the NG, the mystery was solved a couple of weeks later when I happened to mention to my home nurse that I had had to pull my NG tube out because it had malfunctioned. "Good for you," she said. "You probably had a kink in the tube." That was it! That was exactly what the "bead" felt like. The nurse also explained that I was the only one who could have removed it because the nurse could not have done anything without the doctor's authorization. pointed to that as a good sign. Later, when the orderlies came in to put the tube back in, I begged them to give me some more time. They hesitated for a moment, then said O.K. because there was a hand written change to the order that said that if I wanted to wait to have it replaced "the patient could decide." I think that this was what the angel was waiting to hear, for he left shortly thereafter. The last thing he told me was: "We've got a lot of things done today. We've got your pneumonia under control. The problem with your medication is solved, and your lower bowel is moving. But there is still a lot to be done." He paused for a moment, then added in a deliberate manner words that I never would forget: "You must remember to be vigilant." He left the room quietly. I remember thinking how grateful I was to him for saving my life. I didn't even know what he looked like. I hope I will be able to meet him someday and thank him for what he did for me. Soon after the angel left, Rebecca and John [sister and brother-in-law], Mom and Dad, and Viviana came. Rebecca had made me a beautiful card. I stared at it for a long time. The colors were so beautiful. I studied every detail of her drawing, but didn't notice until a few days later that she'd written anything inside. I told them all about my experiences that day. It was nice to be free of the NG tube and to be able to speak. Viviana, Sheldon, and Rebecca took me on a long walk. Rebecca later said that I actually wore her out, as she had just recovered from the flu. That night I discovered what a baby feels like when it needs a messy diaper changed. I had absolutely no bowel control. I shall never forget the nurse's aide, a Nigerian woman who was like a saint to me. I think she must have washed me four or five times, changed my sheets twice, and my gown once or twice. She kind of sang while she worked and never made me feel awkward or embarrassed. I will always appreciate the service she rendered to me that night. Viviana was there the next morning when Dr. llano came to see me. The first thing he said was, "So, I hear you pulled out your NG tube." I don't think he believed me when I said that I couldn't help it. I asked him if I could have something to take away the terrible taste in my mouth. I'd had it ever since I had pulled out the NG tube. He said no. "Please?" I asked. "No," came the reply. "How about a Lifesaver," Viviana suggested. A Lifesaver—that sounded great! He reluctantly gave in. Viviana left and returned with a package of Lifesavers. It had been a week and a half since I had had anything by mouth. They were sooo good. The Lifesavers were actually too good, I'm afraid. When Amy Hulme brought me five packages later that day I thought I was set for life. By that night I was getting pretty nauseated. The doctor's order came down: "No more Lifesavers!" I threw up several times in the night. My vomit was so acidic I started to choke. By morning the tube was back in. The nurse who attended me that night was very kind. She tried very hard to make me comfortable and used a smaller gauge NG tube that wasn't nearly as painful. Most of Tuesday and Wednesday were spent walking and sleeping. My routine was this: as soon as I woke up I'd get out of bed and walk 15 minutes as fast as I could. I knew that the only way my intestines were ever going to wake up was if I walked, "and walked, and walked, and walked." I would lean forward on the IV holder (Alysa called it my robot) as I walked. Not only did this help to keep me on my feet, it also got me going pretty fast. I must admit that I moved up and down those halls at a pretty good clip. The nurses told me that I really needed to slow down, but I worried that if I did this my body would give out on me. They even asked Viviana to see if she could convince me to slow down. When Viviana came to visit me on Tuesday she brought me a little CD player and some CD's. She said that she had been praying to know what she could do to help me when she remembered how happy she felt when her Bishop had sung to her when she was in the hospital in Hawaii. I listened to one particular CD she gave me many times. It was Janice Kapp Perry's greatest hits. The music was so comforting to me. Sometimes during the long nights I would weep as I listened to the songs about the Savior. I felt a deepened love and appreciation for Him. I wanted more than anything else to "receive His image in my countenance." It was in those late night hours I decided that this was all I really wanted to achieve in life. Wednesday morning my nurse introduced me to lemon glycerin swabs, lemon- flavored Q-Tips designed to help get rid of the awful taste I had in my mouth. I must have looked pretty silly as I savored each one, saying, "Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes." and "Mmmmm. Nummy, nummy, nummy, nummy." It was so sweet to my taste. I thought about John Coyne, a young man who had first heard the gospel in our home. This must have been how he felt when he first learned the truth. I wrote him a long letter. My handwriting looked like a six year old. I asked Viviana if she would deliver it for me. I'm not sure if he ever read it, but I felt very impressed to write him nonetheless. When Viviana was with me Wednesday afternoon I had a very strong impression that I needed to ask everyone to fast for me again. I knew that without it, it would take another week for my upper bowel to wake up. I didn't think I could make it that long. I told Viviana about my impression and within a minute she was on the phone to Robin Brooksby. By evening most of the ward had been mobilized. I wondered why I couldn't just have a blessing. After all they had sacrificed for me on Sunday, why did I have to ask again? The answer that came to me was twofold. First of all, the Lord needed to see if I was humble enough to ask for help. Secondly, it would be a blessing to those who would be fasting. It would strengthen testimonies, "that the glory of God might be manifest." That evening I was walking the halls, singing “In the Hollow of Thy Hand” to myself, when Chuck Thompson (our home teacher) met me at the elevator. As soon as we started walking I asked him if he would give me a blessing. My parents arrived shortly after that. We all had a nice visit. Brother Thompson gave me a beautiful blessing. He blessed my body that all the chemicals needed for my bowels to function would begin to do their work. The Spirit was very strong in the room. By the end of the blessing I physically felt things beginning to happen in my upper bowel. Thursday was a beautiful day. Viviana came first thing in the morning. She decided to skip work and come directly to the hospital. She had had a dream in the night that she didn't quite understand. Three times she had dreamed that she and I were in the temple together doing initiatory work together. We talked about what it meant and spent a beautiful day sharing our feelings. Later that day, I had a bowel movement. By late afternoon the NG tube was out and I was sipping clear juice. The fasting had made the difference. In the middle of the night, when the nurse was attaching my antibiotic, she looked at my name and then my face and said, "My goodness, I know you. I'm the nurse that admitted you. That was a long time ago and they still have you on a clear IV. We need to get you some nutrition, my dear." Friday around noon they hooked me up to a white bag that contained a nutritional supplement. My hand kind of hurt where it went into my vein, but the nurse told me that this was normal because the "milk" was denser. As the day went on, my hand hurt more and more. After school, Sheldon brought Ashley over to see me. We had fun walking the hallway together. All the nurses stopped us and asked if she was my daughter, etc. It was good to see her. She seemed relieved to see me without the NG tube. That evening, when my favorite nurse, a little Indian woman named Leela, came on duty, she took one look at my arm and exclaimed, "My goodness child, you're swollen up like a watermelon." All day the fluid had been going into my tissue instead of my vein. My arm was about double its usual size. When I lifted my arm my hand quivered uncontrollably. Leela saw to it that my IV site was changed and brought me hot packs to ease the pain in my arm. Saturday I spent most of the day watching the impeachment trial of President Clinton. Sheldon and my parents worked all day. The weather was grey and windy. Steven and Sheldon came to see me Saturday evening. I watched part of a movie with Steven. It was good to see him. It had been almost two weeks. I asked the nurse's aide if there was any way I could get my hair washed. (It had been almost three weeks since it had been washed.) He said he'd show Sheldon and Steven how to do it. They wheeled me down the hallway to a large sink. I was able to sit in the chair while they lathered me up. It was wonderful! Sheldon called my parents and asked them to bring a hair dryer with them when they came. I felt like a new woman. After Steven and Sheldon left, two nurses came to reinsert my IV line. They wanted to reconnect me to the liquid nutrition. The nurse made the mistake of trying to reinsert the needle in back of my left hand, the one that had infiltrated so badly the day before. The pain was excruciating. The other nurse had to hold my legs down because I was shaking and crying so badly. When the first attempt proved unsuccessful, I asked if they could give me 10 minutes to recuperate. I knew that if they tried again, my veins would constrict. I was very shaken. They agreed. As soon as they left, Mom and Dad came with the hair dryer. The nurses came back almost immediately with a man and wanted to try again. I asked if he could just wait a few more minutes, not realizing who he was. He was an anesthesiologist who just happened to be walking down the hallway. I was later told that this is a rather rare occurrence. The nurse told me that she felt that he was an answer to her prayer because she didn't know how she was going to get the IV in me. The anesthesiologist inserted the needle at the base of my left wrist. They had to splint my wrist so I wouldn't move it. It was very painful. That night, as I listened to the beautiful music I came to love so well, I thought about how painful it must have been for the Savior. Mine was just a tiny needle. His was a large metal spike. I couldn't imagine that. Sunday began very well. I had been reading all the Gospels and was finishing with the Book of Matthew. I was on the Sermon on the Mount. The nurse who was assigned to me talked with me about what I was reading. Another nurse, stationed right outside me room, came in to let me know that she was "a believer" as well. It was good to know how many "believers" there really were. I can't remember when I asked Leela what made her decide to be a nurse. "I didn't want to be a nurse," she exclaimed emphatically, "but God wanted me to be a nurse. So I am a nurse." "I'm glad He wanted you to be a nurse," I said. Yes, Sunday would have been a great day if they hadn't ordered my diet advanced to "soft food", instead of "full liquid", by mistake. I kind of wondered when they brought me bread, cottage cheese, and baby carrots for lunch. But I ate the cottage cheese anyway. I even had Sheldon bring me some yogurt after Church because I was worried that I hadn't eaten everything on my plate. We had a nice walk together. By evening, I was pretty nauseated. Mom and Dad came and we watched "Touched by an Angel" and a Hallmark movie together. I needed something to get my mind off my growing nausea and I didn't want to be alone. After they left, I listened to the Janice Kapp Perry CD over and over-trying to concentrate on not getting sick. I walked the halls, moaning to myself. I was aware that I probably sounded awful, but I couldn't control myself. I realized that the people I'd seen walking down the halls moaning in convalescent homes were probably just like me. I'd always assumed that they didn't know what they were doing. But they probably did. They just couldn't do anything about it. I knew in my heart that I would never look at them the same way. Monday morning Amy Hulme came to see me. Viviana couldn't come so she asked Amy to come instead. She told me about the lesson she had given the day before in Relief Society. I said she was a pretty devoted teacher to personally deliver it to someone who hadn't been able to be there. I was really nauseated, so it helped to have someone there to help me try to focus on something else. Finally, at about 10:00 I asked if she would call Sheldon and see if he could come and give me a blessing. I needed to throw up but couldn't do it on my own. Sheldon came around lunchtime and gave me a blessing. Immediately afterward I felt good enough to walk with him down the hall for few minutes. When I got back to the room I threw up 900cc. I was so grateful to be relieved. It had been 20 hours. I expressed vocally my only thought: "Praise the Lord." I was able to rest after this and felt sure that I would be O.K. As evening approached, the nausea came back. I knew that something was blocked. When my parents came, I asked my Dad to give me a blessing that my intestine would open up. Right after, I threw up about 400ccs. I felt better. I knew my intestines couldn't handle the strain that was being put on them was afraid that if I had the tube put back in, they would stop working all together. Shortly after I threw up, the doctor on call came in to tell me that they needed to put the NG tube back in. I expressed my concerns and he assured me that they were unfounded. If anything, the strain that was being placed on them would eventually cause them to swell and block off in other places. When he said this, I felt very calm. The Spirit witnessed that this was the answer to my prayer. When they put the tube back I threw up a few more times. But after twenty minutes or so, I felt good. I remembered how early on I had thought that it would be unbearable to have the tube down more than once. When I expressed this feeling to the nurse she told me that actually, it is the patient that often asks to have it put back in when they need it. I thought back on that statement and understood what she was saying. But I truly believed that I would only need the tube for 24 hours. I felt that in that time the swelling in my upper small intestine would go down. During the night I hadn't been able to walk very far. I felt very weak and was also having a difficult time focusing. Everything seemed to be far away. It was hard to hear what people were saying. My vision was also affected. I hadn't really realized what had been happening to me over the course of the past few days. I guess I'd been to nauseated to notice. But when Viviana came to see me Tuesday morning she mentioned that I seemed to be getting weaker. She was the one who brought my condition to the attention of the nurse. The nurse recognized that my symptoms were the result of malnutrition. She told me she was going to see if she could arrange to have a PICC line [ie: permanent IV line] inserted. If I hadn't had the NG tube back in the third time, I don't think they would have approved the PICC line. I was so grateful to the doctor who inserted it. I kept thanking him over and over. Thursday I was quite depressed. I thought that I would only have to have the NG back in for 24 hours. But I was wrong. Stephanie was coming home for a visit on Friday and I had wanted so much to be home. But now I wouldn't be. She came Friday morning to visit me. It was one of our most beautiful days together. Because I was still in the hospital, we were able to be alone and to really talk. In the end, I was grateful that I wasn't home when she arrived. Stephanie came Sunday February 14th to pick me up and take me home. The trip home was so beautiful. The flowers and trees were so beautiful. It had been 24 days. The next months would be difficult. There were many times during the next year, when I would think back on the last words that the angel who had been with me that Sunday said to me: "You must be vigilant." He was right. I testify that these words I have written are true. I am a witness of these things.

neonancy

Saturday, August 10, 2013

A note of explanation . . .

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Monday, October 15, 2012

Account of Events Surrounding my first Operation

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Sept 20

Sept 19

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Sept 16

About Me